NON TYPICAL PERPETRATORS: HEBEPHILES, WOMEN AND VERBAL SEXUAL ABUSE

It's painful to write about this but knowledge gives strength and we can have a better world by seeing the darkness of humanity.

HEBEPHILES

From wikipedia: Hebephilia is adults sexual attraction towards adolescents who are going through puberty. Hebephilia is distinct from both pedophilia, which is sexual attraction to prepubertal persons, and ephebophilia (adult sexual attraction to postpubertal adolescents).
One may be attracted to an adolescent and have a genetic predisposition to appreciate youthfulness, as this can clearly mark fertility. A young person is also easier to dominate (and mate with.) This biological perspective may explain some sexual fantasies, while it is our duty not to act out such sexual fantasies in our real lives.

WORDS AS WEAPONS

Verbal abuse is when someone hurts another with their words and is sometimes considered worse than physical abuse. It can be about your appearance and body, your feelings or difficulties and is used to manipulate and control, making you feel bad. There are different forms of verbal abuse, such as bullying and gaslighting, which make the victim question their own self and sanity.

WORDS AS OPPRESSION

Verbal abuse includes the following: aggressive outbursts, accusing and blaming, blocking and deflecting, disputing thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experiences, denying anger or abuse, judging and criticising, minimising and trivialising, withholding i.e. refusing to share thoughts, feelings, intimacy. (Examples are the boss saying that the employee's shelf is nice or the football coach talking about masturbation with the girls in the changing room. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong behaviour.)

FEMALE PERPETRATORS EXIST AND...

...and is far more common than realized. With a growing number with in child pornography for example.

THE MAIN IMAGE

Example:
Imagine a big hairy man in a leather vest and beer belly constantly commenting on children's bodies, if someone has big breasts regardless of whether that person is ten years old. In an accusatory tone, diminishing or openly sexual, in any case sexualizing a child. Who keeps burning eyes on his daughter's chest to see if the shirt has started to pout a bit. Who talk widely about their own and other children's pubertal development, making comments about masturbating, having periods or semen, starting to get hips or hard-ons, having sex with friends, etc. (which they don't have at age 11) without any adult responsibility or empathy for children's vulnerability. An arse we've all seen at some point in movies etc.

PERPETRATORS IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES

Sometimes this dirty man lives inside a well-groomed woman, a mother figure who is supposed to teach and protect, but instead verbally gropes children's bodies. Perpetrators come in all forms. Verbal sexual abuse is difficult to unravel and often wrapped in layers of manipulation, loyalty and threats. The abuse is the same as physical abuse or goes deeper.

THE VICTIM HAS NO BLAME

As a victim, you should trust yourself. Listen to when the anxiety comes, when the body protests. Verbal abuse is particularly difficult to define, especially in close relationships or when it is wrapped in false care. You deserve to be heard, seen and free and you are not alone.