Can you live a good life if you are an incest survivor? One might wonder, since only tragedies related to incest are portrayed in the media. It is clear why therapists and social workers who have to deal with incest survivors are frightened and even have short circuits. When the pivture is so gloomy and dark.
The crime of incest is second only to murder. But the great thing about the second worst crime is that the majority survive, we climb our way up. Want to, and more or less can live nice, rich, meaningful lives.
WE ARE HEALING
Sure, we can be a little angry, a little stingy and easily offended and difficult. But see, we file that away with a little understanding from the outside world. We don't sit and cry all day, no, grief has its time and after it ebbs we are strong. And want to live!
We're not idiots either. We are all wise. Many of us highly intelligent. Others strong as a few. Some are artists. Others matriarchs to their children and grandchildren and God help anyone who touches a hair...
ENMESHED WITH OUR PERPETRATORS
Incest is a crime committed by a perpetrator, because of that individual's inner nature. The person is responsible for his or her actions.
The perpetrator is not the victim and vice versa. In some crazy way, victims and perpetrators are lumped together into one problem. If you had a terrible childhood, you are screwed. A bit regardless of whether you are the victim or the perpetrator...? I think this enmeshment is a way for the human race to keep the difficult (and incomprehensible) away. And as a victim you become so invaded by the perpetrator that you think you are the same. No, oh no, you are not.
LET THE BIRD OF THE HEART OUT
No child is its parent and no victim is its perpetrator. You are not what has happened to you. Incest trauma, with the right support, can go from being a long torment to a scar, perhaps a reminder of how proud you are to have survived. Pain can become light, never for the perpetrator, but always for the victim.